Change and Creativity--

From The Courage to Change
 January 3rd

" I am writing my life story with every single today.  Am I moving in a positive direction?  If not, perhaps I needtomakesome changes. I can do nothing to change the past except stop repeating it in the present.  Going to Al-Anon meetings and practicing the principles of the program are some of the ways in which I am already breaking out of unhealthy and unsatisfying patterns of the past...I believe that my life is built upon layers of little everyday accomplishments...When I face a new challenge, I try to take my beginning wherever it may be and start from there." 

February 10th

"One of the effects of alcoholism is that many of us have denied or devalued our talents, feelings, achievements, and desires...Creativity is apowerful way to celebrate who we are.  It is spiritual energy that nourishes our vitality.  It is a way to replace negative thinking with positive action...Every one of us is brimming with imagination, but it often takes practice to find it and put it to use...Every original act asserts our commitment to living...When we create, we plant ourselves firmly in the moment and teach ourselves that what we do matters." 

Hi,  my name's Mokihana...
It's been several years since my last meeting in a room with the fellowship of others recovering from the effects of alcoholism.  Well, that's not true.  I did attend a meeting near us last fall.  It was my first meeting in five years, and the first one with my oxygen tank.  Going with my tank was not the reason that made it challenging ... I have made my way slowly out into the world with the tank.  The challenges are being in any room; and being in rooms with people who are 'scented' with all manner of fragrance.  I made the choice to drive myself because the need for program was powerful.  I was going 'to all lengths' to get to a meeting.

I did what I could to be there, shared when it was time to share, declined invitations to join people by holding hands and coming closer.  I let my story speak for itself.  The effects of being IN a room is long lasting though.  We have no laundry 'facilities' though I do hand-wash my clothes two-four things at a time, winter is not an easy time to get things washed and dried.  It took several days to recover from the meeting, and longer to reclaim my clothes.

I learned from that experience.  I'm not yet able to attend meetings and that attempt was another testing the waters.  The answer, "not yet."  At least not yet.  Life, and life with the Al-Anon principles of patience, practice not perfection have taught me to see that trial as an act of courage -- faith in action.  The program remains a tether of goodness for me, but the rooms were still a no go.  That's where CREATIVITY came knocking.

I know my limits more clearly than I have in times past.  Building the vardo, and learning that simple pleasures and progress take many, many steps I turned the meeting thing over to Ke Akua.  I lived my life.  Then the idea of bringing the meeting to the vardo came to me.  It wasn't MY idea, it was an idea sent.  Divine E-mail. 

I don't get around or out much any more, these days.  That might change tomorrow.  But, I have no control over tomorrow let alone any future.  What I could do, I did.  This AL-ANON post-journal is a creative way to keep my program of recovery alive and present.  Like the reading said, "I am writing my life story with every single today."

Would you like to share your experience, strength and hope?

Shifts and Changes at Vardo For Two ... tell me something new

We're making some changes here. 

The focus of the blog and the writing will evolve. Pete will be doing more and more of the writing, and posting of photos (he's working on the camera and computer) . I'll keep my Al-Anon posts-journal newly begun, as a way to work my program of recovery as a way to 'be in the Rooms.' My Astrology posts will continue, too. These two forms of 'superpower' save my life over the long haul, so I'll keep coming back to writing these types of posts/articles.


More of my attention will shift to writing and creating fertile ground over at my writer's blog It's All Compost. Thanks to the process of blogging, living and learning here at VardoForTwo, I have fueled myself with enough healing to focus on writing for a living, again. In a new and composted version of myself, It's All Compost will take the fertile ground made here to plant new seeds of writing and sharing.

To read the whole story about our Shifts and Changes please go to the side-bar "Shifts and Changes"

Tell us, is there something new and exciting in your life today?
 

When in doubt, don't ... an AN-ANON share

From The Courage to Change for February 6th

Today's Reminder

"When my thinking becomes distorted by trying to force solutions, I probably won't get the results I seek.  As the saying goes, "When in doubt, don't."

So many examples of distorted thinking.  Okay, this is not about perfection and getting all of it down, it's just for now and what comes from my heart. 

Being affected by alcoholism has left me with second-hand toxic thinking.  I was the older sister and the go-to girl by the time I was able to talk and walk.  I started believing I could fix things because I was good at reading the environment:  What's Daddy like when he opened the car door?  Read his face and listen to his voice?  With the read, we either did the duck and cover or mask up with the listening ears and absorb the sadness/madness.  That was such a long, long time ago and even with the years of re-covery and unlearning, when I am under siege or weak from recovering from toxic drift today old survival skills like distorted thinking leap up.

Waiting Room

It's difficult to sort out the old from the new triggers when my MCS symptoms are in high-level.  I have learned to reach out to my trusted friends, and my sponsor.  Through them I hear the love and reassurance of people who know me, and aren't bent on 'fixing' me.  It helps to call people who live with both diseases, but that's not always my reality.  Few people I know live with Al-Anon and MCS, so I turn to Ke Akua for extra care when I'm in doubt.  I've learned to wait, better.  No, I'm not always a good waiter but I've gotten so much better.

Building the vardo has been Ke Akua's gift of waiting and perseverance wrapped in one small package.  One day at a time we built it from scratch.  Sometimes we had to take two (or three) steps back before we could make forward progress.  Since its a vardo for two, we get to practice waiting for patience to come and it might take twice as long.

Care to share your experience, strength, and hope?

Don't get around much anymore ... uncovering the stigma of disability

"Don't get around much anymore."  That's the name of an old song that old women like me remember.  Nat King Cole sings that one, but I've linked to the gravel-voice of Rod Stewart to fuel this post.

Listen here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YDaxCRDfXK0&feature=related

The lyrics start ...

Been invited on dates

I might have gone but what for

It's awfully different without you

Don't get around much anymore

Awfully different without you

Don't get around much anymore

I've been learning to live with the toxic drift of everyday/everynight Earth for seven years.  Diagnosis of MCS confirmed the things I knew were happening, credence to the things that made me more and more phobic and isolated. 

Writing and then blogging allowed me to tap into the well of resilience that comes from the Universe.  I discovered or remembered new and ancient sources of resilience to deal with my new life.

There are 4 Personal Super-powers  I call on one day at a time:

1.  Astrology
This was a source I'd tapped in years ago, but in such a different and passive way many years ago.  An ancient art and navigational tool came alive for me when I began to rebuild a life from a dream of a Gypsy's wagon.

I discussed Astrology in Real Life through the blog pages of a woman named Elsa P.  She has helped me navigate in unexpected ways.  I credit her here on VardoForTwo often because like the song says, "I don't get around much anymore."

Clipart credit:

2.  AL-ANON
Being affected by another's choices is not a new experience for me.  I was born into a family disease of alcohol, and found my way into the rooms (when I was still able to be in a room, and a roomful of people with fragrance and chemicals) of 12-Step Meetings.  When my disability escalated in 2007, my 12-Step life took a spiral.  My connection to the one day at a time practice had to be done one-on-one with my Higher Power and my sponsor of many years via the cellphone.

This practice sustains me still.

3.  Blogs and blogging
We had a very old Sony laptop that made blog world happen for me.  Ruby, the Laptop hung in there to chronicle the building of a safe haven through blogging.  I learned to reach out through other bloggers who also lived with Multiple Chemical Sensitivities.  I slowly built a support network, and we built VardoForTwo with a few internet friends who watched us reassemble a life.

I birthed blog after blog.  Therapy at the keyboard.  And then, Ruby passed on worn from the road and the wear.  It isn't easy to replace a piece of equipment when you live with sensitivities to material and new product.  It took a year to find this laptop ... a hand-me-down from our new friends Eileen and Mary.

Thank you for the connection.
4..  Masks
Covering up is both a process and a survival technique.  Thousands of us seek out the protection of masks that we can wear to make exposure to the environment possible.  Some of us wear 'em on the outside, some wear 'em on the inside.  I think that's part of the lyrics to (another) song I love ... Bette Midler?

The mask I wear, and often have dangling off one ear is the I Can Breathe Mask.  The one I have now is a 'designer lace' get-up prettier than many I've had.  It is outfitted with a carbon-filter that can be replaced, and the lace is polyester that I can tolerate.  There's always a mask tucked into my pocket or purse.

With the New Year of the Rabbit starting today, I'm hopeful and energized by the alignment of planets in the sign of Saturn.  I'm a Saturn-ruled old woman and count on the ancient charts to offer me signals.  It's not easy, I gotta tell you, and I keep digging through the ashes looking for the next ...

How do you cope with disability?  Can you relate to wearing your mask on the inside as well as on the outside?