Slow-downs, set-backs

Hina in the early stages of a Crescent topped the hemlock just outside the vardo front door.  Marked as she was there in the sky with the tip of the evergreen as compass line, I watched in between morning chores to become aware of how quickly time passes.  Between morning toast and morning wash, Hina was gone from view hidden somewhere behind the treeline on her progress from East to West. 

Time in the forrest is always a different kind of progress.  Now that the sun has come to warm us up, light makes a difference.  The slow-down of energy because the elongated Spring wished to extend the muted light changed a couple days ago.  The 'Ole Cycle just complete with July 4th just passed was a cycle of review and recognition:  we are not yet ready to take on the enterprise of building another structure.  The idea of an 8x16 kitchen-gathering-shower space is not practical for us now ... maybe, later.  The madrona seedling did indeed present us with the issue of "entitlement" once again.  Fortunately, the gods have made that lesson clearer to us.  Just because we could build doesn't mean it's the right thing to do.  Smaller steps forward ... micro-steps are necessary first.  The process of a reassembled life means the spiritual footwork and the practical/material work already happening needs to be checked and double-checked.  Pete and I both recognize how the story/stories we have told about our journey with Multiple Chemical Sensitivites is changing.  Envirnomental Illness and the choices we make to heal without adding to the injury means with each opportunity we have to feel safe, we must also be conscious of the attitudes/choices/energy we carry about with us to evolve, stay put, or back-up.  The slow-downs and set-backs to our progress is good for us humbling us and providing material for a better foundation especially in our relationships with self and others.

We are slowing putting our experience as nomads into practice where 'I no mad at you, and you no mad at me.'  Friends and family relationships have changed as Pete and I learn to face the dark sides of our destiny, both our individual destiny and the one we share.  Vilifying others leads to resentment and that is a heavy load to carry under any circumstance.  Life from the tiny VardoForTwo can't really afford the cost of resentment.  Worse than the collection of road wear and daily toil that shows up as dust mites and pollens, resentment weighs heavy on the immune system and that can really slow an old dear down at the most inconvenient times.

The hummingbird outside the window made a sharp B-line, right-hand turn in front of me ... my signal to say A hui hou for now.  Hope your burdens are light wherever you are, and if not light, the dark is okay too.  Watch for the moon, she's there.

Aloha,
Mokihana

The Impact of MCS on Self-Esteem

Notes from Mokihana
MCS Multiple Chemical Sensitivities is an illness that has changed my life.  MCS has changed the lives of thousands, perhaps hundreds of thousands of people on The Planet.  Some of us know that we have been affected by exposure to chemicals, toxics and toxins and the work of readjustments to a world and society with values that need to be chucked, recycled or amended begins/continues; and there are many more of us who remain unaware or unwilling to accept the reality of a very 'preventable' illness.  This first Canary Caravan Carnival is a celebration and a documentary on the reality of life with limits and structure incited by MCS.  The motivation for me to organize such a hopeful and unstructured event comes from two places:  first, MAY is MCS Awareness Month throughout the Earth; second, my personal passion for teaching where I find myself remains intact despite the odds.  Readers here at VardoForTwo have read and seen the stories that make up the truth of life for Pete (my dear man), JOTS (our dear kitty bump) and me. 

More than two years ago, when all hope dried up for me, I was guided to begin a relationship via the cellphone with a person who has been angel, guide, sister-in-recovery and skilled therapist.  Wherever and whatever I was experiencing or being challenged with I was supported by the thoughtful, compassionate skill of a woman who has worked the walk and could talk me through many rough spots.  Kay McCarty offers hope, humor and tools for times that have tested my inventory of self-worth and self-esteem.  That test is common for those who live with MCS.  The article that follows is an article that succinctly and compassionately describes the work of self-care that is so vital as one refashioned a value system that supports life with MCS.  I am grateful and appreciate of this guidance, and offer this unedited version of "The Impact of MCS on Self-Esteem" as the opening 'act' on VardoForTwo's First Canarary Caravan Carnival.

Mahalo nui loa, Kay
Mokihana and Pete

An edited version of this article appears in CIIN's "Our Toxic Times" April, 2010 edition.