Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Slow-downs, set-backs

Hina in the early stages of a Crescent topped the hemlock just outside the vardo front door.  Marked as she was there in the sky with the tip of the evergreen as compass line, I watched in between morning chores to become aware of how quickly time passes.  Between morning toast and morning wash, Hina was gone from view hidden somewhere behind the treeline on her progress from East to West. 

Time in the forrest is always a different kind of progress.  Now that the sun has come to warm us up, light makes a difference.  The slow-down of energy because the elongated Spring wished to extend the muted light changed a couple days ago.  The 'Ole Cycle just complete with July 4th just passed was a cycle of review and recognition:  we are not yet ready to take on the enterprise of building another structure.  The idea of an 8x16 kitchen-gathering-shower space is not practical for us now ... maybe, later.  The madrona seedling did indeed present us with the issue of "entitlement" once again.  Fortunately, the gods have made that lesson clearer to us.  Just because we could build doesn't mean it's the right thing to do.  Smaller steps forward ... micro-steps are necessary first.  The process of a reassembled life means the spiritual footwork and the practical/material work already happening needs to be checked and double-checked.  Pete and I both recognize how the story/stories we have told about our journey with Multiple Chemical Sensitivites is changing.  Envirnomental Illness and the choices we make to heal without adding to the injury means with each opportunity we have to feel safe, we must also be conscious of the attitudes/choices/energy we carry about with us to evolve, stay put, or back-up.  The slow-downs and set-backs to our progress is good for us humbling us and providing material for a better foundation especially in our relationships with self and others.

We are slowing putting our experience as nomads into practice where 'I no mad at you, and you no mad at me.'  Friends and family relationships have changed as Pete and I learn to face the dark sides of our destiny, both our individual destiny and the one we share.  Vilifying others leads to resentment and that is a heavy load to carry under any circumstance.  Life from the tiny VardoForTwo can't really afford the cost of resentment.  Worse than the collection of road wear and daily toil that shows up as dust mites and pollens, resentment weighs heavy on the immune system and that can really slow an old dear down at the most inconvenient times.

The hummingbird outside the window made a sharp B-line, right-hand turn in front of me ... my signal to say A hui hou for now.  Hope your burdens are light wherever you are, and if not light, the dark is okay too.  Watch for the moon, she's there.


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