We, Pete and I are in the middle of an ongoing process to heal and make our way in the world -- both on a material and spiritual level. The process is messy, and moves in all directions at once sometimes, and stands stark still at others. With our home as tiny as a closet, perched on two wheels, the reality of limits forms sharp squares and we run into the walls easily because of course it takes no more than four or five steps to reach the farthest wall in a vardo.
I often use astrology to angle my way through the maze of my life that will not sort from within my brain or mind. Astrology gives me a Cosmic Pie to view and chew; the planets and locations/definitions of the Houses helps to navigate. With the language of astrology prototypes of behavior show themselves and I jiggle the information and try to apply insight to my life. This post is another one of those jiggles of information. We are living with others (they are our benefactors) and have been more than once in our lives. We receive benefit and yet, the imbalance of a relationship like this can become a pattern ... and that's what is happening here in the Mill Town. The balance has tipped, the boundaries have been crossed and the process for healing or inflamation is in the balance.
Yesterday, when I walked through the side door of the main house I smelled chemicals. Strong, unexpected and unidentified. I held my mask to my face and also held my nose, and closed the basement door behind me. WTF! I know that chemicals are used in the house and have made adjustments to their use. The smell yesterday was different.
By mid-day I was sick from the exposure; headache, nausea and weakness; then anger and rage, disorientation. I had time to rest and do the things that calm me. Finally, late in the afternoon I was able and ready to ask , "Did you use chemicals?" "Yes, their in here." She indicated the kitchen, and continued saying, "it was grungy and I swabbed down all the counters with cleaners." God, it was worse than I thought. I turned to her from behind my mask and said, "My friendship with you is a real contradiction...You choose to use chemicals that make me sick!" Caught unaware(?) she said, "I'm sorry." I could not remain in the kitchen much longer than that, and said, "I've gotta move on."
The ripple of those actions are felt today: Pete has had his own conversations with both friends who live here and share their home. Boundaries and limits are the issue and more will be revealed. My karmic lesson is "Cooperation" and I am learning that there are always at least two sides to every story. The title of this post and the cartoon here point to the children's tale "The Three Little Pigs" ... a parable for teaching what values count in the 'building of one's home". I know that I come with issues that surround my self-value and the astrology of the 8th House helps me look at myself with insight and compassion: I have a legacy of conflict about self-worth, resources and the ability to make my way in the way (materially). My conflicts with "benefactors" have repeated themselves throughout my life, and MCS has magnified these conflicts.
