"This is a big piece of Cosmic Pie and this ole girl she loves pie. I’ve been following the thread and watching the vids to eat just one more piece of Cosmic Pie. I am in the 12th house phase of my understanding and ultimate acceptance of the reassembled truth of my health. I am affected by the whole and after 15 years of trying to out run the natural zodiac I get that my plane is down, the losses are great, the grief exists, I have been pissed with the gods and they still hang in there to wait it out with me. I’m cappy moon in the the 12th living in a moon shaped house on wheels smaller than plenty of folks’ walk-in closet. I get to accept my fate and grow gardens where EVER my wheelie home rolls.
The Cosmic Pie you’ve served up here Elsa and the wonderful conversation that was shared because someone (Double Cappy, thank you:]) asked is so perfect. I’m gonna try to translate this onto my blog today, maybe a great thing for a solar eclipse that is supposed to be easy on the Scorps. Thanks a million Elsa and all."
"after 15 years of trying to out run the natural zodiac I get that my plane is down, the losses are great, the grief exists, I have been pissed with the gods and they still hang in there to wait it out with me. I’m cappy moon in the the 12th living in a moon shaped house on wheels smaller than plenty of folks’ walk-in closet. I get to accept my fate and grow gardens where EVER my wheelie home rolls." For readers who are new to this blog, welcome to our world where solutions are wide, deep, broad and linked together in an eccentric way. Astrology is one of the many tools I use to make sense of the nature of human. I don't always get the 'why' unless I go way out there, and really have a newbie sense of 'how to be human' so much of the time. Living with Multiple chemical sensitivities, allergies et.al. has been a struggle. The recent exposure to herbicides has tripped the lever on healing at a deep level for me. I used the holistic/Pythagorean explanation of retracing to sort through the process of re-living the aggravations and illnesses/symptoms. It helps me. I seek the personal stories of others who have found solutions to their exposure symptoms.
Astrological insight gives me a view beyond the physical and taps into the Cosmos where words are fleeting, and navigation more ancient. The thread of comments that grew from Elsa P's videos suggesting the use of the Natural Zodiac to opt out of suffering included some very personal insights. I especially liked this comment from Toni, and with permission from Elsa (thanks, EP) I am rewriting it here as a way to connect the journey through the zodiac with my own experience accepting chronic illness and multiple chemical sensitivities. The clan of canaries who live with or support the lives of canaries with chemical sensitivties and environmentally induced illness find relief and solace in diverse ways. Health is defined in so many ways. Here's one way of reckoning truth.
Note: for anyone who is unfamiliar with the Natural Zodiac there are many informative sites to explain the Twelve positions or Houses of the Chart (pictured at the start of this post).
The Houses start with Aries in the 1st House, found at lower half of the chart in the 8:00 position, and continue counter-clock-wise in turn.
1st house- Fighting physically/emotionally.
I return to Hawaii after a 23 year marriage ends. Childhood asthma shows up in reaction to mock orange blossoms and fireworks. I am shocked! I fight back, go to the emergency room and get oxygen, inhalers and a diagnosis that "You have asthma!" Ha? No asthma for 23 yrs away ... then I do. Talk about retracing.
2nd house- Saying ‘no, this isn’t happening.’
Exactly! 2nd house is all about action and anger. I went through lots of that, years of it. Anger directed at my ex-husband, and then the flowers, my past. Things just kept irritating me. I keep fighting, take the medication, and try to get my way.
3rd house- Thinking of a way to get out.
I have a large head, and a history of thinking or reading my way through problems. I had no idea of what 'multiple chemical sensitivities' was or that I was headed down that track. There was surely something else going on with me ... a fix was some where I was not! Emotions, relations and communication get tangled up and crazy.
4th house- Grieving.
New love had come into my life. I grieved the old, yet the hope of new love fueled my sinking ship, my diving plane. There was no doubt my health was tentative, I was moving more in one year than I had in 23. Places weren't safe for long, that hurt, I didn't know how to 'do' this. Where was my place called home?
5th house- Searching deeper in your inner self.
I turned to yoga and supplements to heal me. I walked into the rooms of Al-Anon for a spiritual practice that would tie things together and turned my life over to a power greater than myself. Thing is, I thought the 'cure' would kick in and level life out. I was still doing the control it bit, but I was doing it with grace and Mountain Pose.
6th house- Thinking of the details in order to get out.
Health crises increased even with my yoga and Al-Anon foundations. I began writing more and more. Used words to craft a world that comforted me, explained the inexplicable. The teacher me sought service to others as a way to make things better.
7th house- Weighing both sides of the plan.
My thyroid expands, swelling to the point of undeniable 'issue.' I look at all the possible solutions and decide not to have the glands surgically removed. I still hold fast to the belief that the body - mind - spirit will heal. I begin a raw food life, see healing results and continue to be on the move from one more toxic exposure to herbicides and VOG. We move back to where we started ... and begin spending summers on the continental USA. My relationship with Pete changes, we marry.
8th house- Psychology, like Elsa said. Why am I feeling this way?
HERE'S WHERE A LOT OF TRANSFORMATIVE POTENTIAL LIVES ... I come to this very question ... "Why am I feeling this way (after all the good stuff have been doing to make it different?" Saturn and Mars play significant roles in my 8th house. Saturn is about the step by step slow and steady process and no short-cuts allowed reality. Mars is the way a person acts. Together I began seeing that something was missing from the view-master. Pieces were missing from my jigsawed life. There was no denying some things:
1. pesticides and herbicides are bad period.
2. people use them and won't change their habit even when they see how it made me sick. Bad People!
3. moving from house to house/island to island/island to continent was wearing me out.
4. what were the options?
9th house- Why is God doing this to me? What’s the meaning of all this?
At this point Pete and I have bottomed out significantly. We are living in the car, being rousted by the cop, and keep getting poisoned by herbicides. While living in the Subaru we come to sleep nightly at the Tide Pools near Sandy Beach on O'ahu's west side. This is a major healing spot for me. Of the many places on the Earth, these Tide Pools have been a source of care for me since I was a small girl. Night after night we pull into our parking spot after dark and set up our car for sleep. Unsure of our 'safety' yet given no other place to be surrender waits and we drop into it.
Meaning comes from the humiliation, and soon we find that indeed, 'our plane is going down' and there's no stopping it from crashing. We become nomads with a diagnosis: nomad with multiple chemical sensitivities. The illness is not just in my mind, it is in my body.
10th house- Limit the problem.
Six months of living off and on in the car gives you a set of boundaries that could come from no other experience. We know a few more things, and have left behind most of our former chattels of living. We know mobility is a good option for us. We suspect we could build something safe and mobile. We begin to recognize the limitations of a 'formerly normal house' and use surrender to craft a land ark.
11th house- Hoping and wishing. Praying.
Friendships and hope come in such different packages during this stage of our process. In a year we live with or in the general vacinity of eight different friends or family members for as little as a few hours to as much as six months. We do more praying than we'd ever done. We hope for guidance when decisions don't make sense. Some people 'get the conditions of this illness' most don't. I learn to hide from old friends who knew me 'before.' It's easier to not explain.
12th house- Surrendering to the universe and believing there is a bigger plan.I think we're here now. The blogs we began writing back in October, 2008 are the musings and reality of a surrendered life. Multiple chemical sensitivities is a real day to day, night through the night reality. It is not going to go back to being 'like it was before.' And, it's not likely we would be able to live as we have lived before. My search for transcendent truths take me from fairy tale maker to astrology student, raw food and organic gardener to writer of eccentric blogs and lover to a mate who came to me later in the Cosmic Pie Eating process.
Chronic illness is the universe's ultimate practical joke. It might not seem fair on most days, and probably isn't. Just the same, it does something to my evolving sense of surrender to consider that possibility. If you've made it through and have some energy for a comment, I'd welcome it. Comments aren't common here, yet there's always a possibility ...